Thread: Do you guys think this is good

Die another day

Die today and leave a world of sin, no i wont die today, for today i will love and pray, i will die another day,
Lifes struggles fill my day, happiness feels so far away, lies tell my story, why cant i just die today,
Wake up Drama on T.v, newspaper said a kid was found dead by gunshots, neighbors are fighting while their babies are crying, sun rises but the darkness stays today,
In my head i battle them, they speak with rage, they tell me there is no hope, i hold my breath and close my eyes turning lifes page!
Surrounded by lost souls i feel alone, knife in hand the thrill arouses me, the blade cold and sharp pressed against my wrist, blood trickles down my arm, falling to my knees, no tears no smile my hope is gone today i died

Yeah it seems pretty good to me writing wise. Is it written as poetry, lyrics or something else? Subject matter is a little dark and the beginning doesn't seem to lead on to the end. Going from the refusing to die today to dying. I suppose that's the only part I can see which....stands out is I suppose how I'd put it.

Yea just worte it down really, and want to see what other people thought about it, kinda like a person who struggles with sucide thoughts. The person trys to live a normal life and puts on a front, but surrounded by a bad society the voices tell him/her to end it but she fights them one last time and shortly just gives up- make since thanks for your reply i really want to start writing but when i get like 5-6 pages i just feel like its crap lol so i am going to start posting my work to see what others think. Thank you!

Ps its not all dark writing lol

I like it, it really draws me in.

Originally Posted by BlazedPhoenix87

Yea just worte it down really, and want to see what other people thought about it, kinda like a person who struggles with sucide thoughts. The person trys to live a normal life and puts on a front, but surrounded by a bad society the voices tell him/her to end it but she fights them one last time and shortly just gives up- make since thanks for your reply i really want to start writing but when i get like 5-6 pages i just feel like its crap lol so i am going to start posting my work to see what others think. Thank you!

Ps its not all dark writing lol

I can relate to that and understand how hard it is putting on the 'it's all ok' face everyday. I was diagnosed with depression 7 or so years ago and it runs in the family so I can understand it, the thoughts, feelings, motives and reasoning behind the stupid things our heads can make us feel or do. Whether its a change of mindset and going on a sort of destructive pattern or the more physical, self harm and suicide way things go its something I've had to deal with.

As for wanting to get into writing I can understand that too. I'm a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing whether its lyrics, short stories or the few novels I've tried to write. If I write something and I'm not 100% happy with it I just end up binning it and lose all motivation, even if a lot of it I am happy with. I once wrote 200 odd pages of a novel, it was going well, just a first draft sort of thing, then I had a bad day, made a few mistakes and binned the lot. And the mistakes were tiny, insignificant things like...single sentences sounding off or not liking a line. Rather than redo the page I just lose the will to write and destroy it all. It happens. The best way I've found to manage it is to tackle anything in small chunks and see them all as separate things.

If you're writing a story see each individual page or chapter as a totally separate entity. Obviously make sure each leads on from the former but if you make 10 great chapters then screw up on the 11th, it makes it easier to just bin the 11th and not undo all the work you've put in. The same goes with poetry and lyrics, except instead of chapters you handle it all in verses. But ultimately as long as you're writing so YOU are happy with the work then thats all that matters. I'd rather publish a book that sold 1 copy worldwide but that I was happy with than ream off a book that sold millions that I personally hated.

Keep up the writing

EDIT: Oh and if you ever come up against writers block or are unsure of a line or anything like that then put it out to other peoples' opinions. Chances are if they don't like it they can often suggest a different way of putting or something that flows a bit better. It always helps to get constructive criticism and opinions along the way.

no tears no smile my hope is gone today i died

It's very good because death is nothing more than clocking out into a better life )

It's morbid, but I really like it. It's also sadly true in this kind of world... But as I said. I really like it and I can imagine more of your works would be really good.

Thank you all for commenting on this (especially Blazed and Gallant). You have inspired me to write some poetry of my own. I hope you will see it and give your opinion.

Thanks guys i have another porm i am about to post plz check it out!

Can you post a link to the poem please?

Go to youtube you can search my name christoper lester- chris lester, or search the poem. Daddies on the rise, also if you wouldnt care to like or sub would be great!